AA Steps 8 and 9
Forgiveness – God, Jeffrey, Toby
“Faith without works is dead."
List of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. (Extension of Step 4)
Drastic self-appraisal.
To some people we should not emphasize the spiritual feature on our first approach for we might prejudice them.
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.
Our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong.
It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.
Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.
Simply we tell him that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own.
In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens. It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of his office. We have made our demonstration, done our part. It's water over the dam.
Most alcoholics owe money.
Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense
Maybe we are divorced
Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.
We are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit.
Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.
Drinking does complicate sex relations in the home. After a few years with an alcoholic, a wife gets worn out, resentful and uncommunicative. How could she be anything else? The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself. Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it. If we are sure our wife does not know, should we tell her? Not always, we think. If she knows in a general way that we have been wild, should we tell her in detail? Undoubtedly we should admit our fault.
Our design for living is not a one-way street.
The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.
There is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all.
Our Creator shows us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.
The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.
There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could.
We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping.
As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.